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The family I stayed with the first week had four daughters between the ages of 10 and 20, all of whom I get on really well with. One of them, Alice, who is 15, decided she would write a story about me. They have named me Ryan Seacrest, so when you see that name you will know it is me Alice is talking about. Spelling and punctuation have been left as is.

Enjoy.

Ryan secrest

Ryan smells funny and lives in a skungy flat. He has bald head but some people say its shaved. His face is retardedly shaved as its is only slightly hairy. I think that he sould grow a beard and then he would look like a hobo. Then he could live in the streets and he would fit right in. And I would laugh at him because he would be living in a wet box. Heheeheheheheheheheheheheh hahahahahahahahahahahahahaha

He also teachers the hobos about god then they have a bonfire in a rusty can. Then they drink whine. After ryan shaves off he’s  beard the hobos all regret him bescause he doesn’t look like them any more. Then he finds a dog who is blind deaf and dumb. They become best friends. Then a giant moster comes and eats the dog. Now he has no friends. But then alice comes along and ryan thinks he has a friend. But alice just walks away and blows a rasberry at him. Then ryan sits down and gets hit by a bus and gets splated all over the ground.

This is the story of ryan secrest.